it is not easy for me to talk about this. i suffer from cptsd, anxiety disorder, major severe depression, and possibly other stuff we are still trying to figure out. im a disabled artist.
i dont normally bring up my disability because i still feel shame from being disabled. i am in and out of the hospital from time to time. i have days where i cant get out of bed at all.
everything came to a head over the last few months. from the ending of april until mid july, i was out of it. i mentally fell apart, so i left the internet.
i was in a toxic relationship. this impacted my art because i felt like nothing i did was right. this relationship made me feel like i was so stupid and incapable of doing anything. without going into much detail, i basically felt so terrible about zieself.
i broke up with her at the end of june. but the aftermath was equally terrifying.
my former relationship wasnt the only reason why i left the internet. i was experiencing an art funk and couldnt battle my way out of it. the funk got worse as time went on.
in july, i was hospitalized. my mental illness got so bad to where i didn’t want to live anymore. i didn’t see a point to living. i felt discouraged and trapped. the little light i have within me was snuffed out. so off to the hospital i went.
my meds were changed. i think they are working. i left the hospital feeling a lot better. my mind was clear and i wanted to live again.
i forgot to mention that we also moved from winder to tucker. it took forever to move but im glad we are closer to church. moving took a lot of energy out of me too.
